Nature Shots

Update

I'm in the war college now.

And I'm just really sad.
All the time.

I need to re-find my purpose.

I woke up the other morning, with a heavy cloud hovering over my head.
It was the very definition of a funk.

The first thing I thought was "What the frig am I doing here, still? Living this life? What's the point?"
Basically I woke up with no desire to live.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not suicidal. But I realized I had been living like a mindless drone. Just taking things as they came to me. Not caring, not thinking, I was indifferent.

I woke up with no desire to graduate, no desire to go to war college, no desire to do anything with myself.
I just wanted to sleep, forevermore.

What a terrible thing to come to terms with.

I want to re-ignite the fire that burned in me last year. I need to re-find my purpose for being here. I need to feel useful to the body.
I need to be useful to the body.

So, any of you believers that come across this blog and happen to read it, prayer would be much appreciated.

'Til next time.

Devoted

My pencil touches the page and my hand starts to move of it's own accord.
Listening, not to the complex mechanics of the inner workings in my head,
but rather to the unsteady thumping that comes from deep within my chest.

This constant flow of warming words never seem to cease.
I'm continually baffled by the adoration that I have placed at your feet.

Fear of rejection does not phase, one who's heart no longer holds fort, in it's birth place.

Amanda & Percy's Photoshoot

The epitome of Evangeline Joy

1. I love the Ocean.

2. Laughter is one thing my life does not lack.

3. I like being the cause of someone’s smile.

4. It’s hard for me not to like people.

5. I have a scar on my forehead from when I was a kid and my brother mistook my head for a hockey puck.

6. I once threw a textbook at a boy’s head for flirting with me.

7. I wish to travel the world; I’m restless when I stay in one place too long.

8. My eyes are bluest when I first wake up.

9. I long for the gift of healing.

10. When I blush, my ears are the first to turn red.

11. I love listening to people speak in tongues, and am immediately struck with the need to interpret.

12. My primary love language is physical touch.

13. I hate one word more than any word in the entire world.

14. My dog is the only one who sits beside me when I'm singing in my house...and I'm still not sure if it's that she likes it or if she thinks I'm dying.

15. I often am too preoccupied with my thoughts to notice when I am about to walk into traffic.

16. I've never dyed my hair.

17. I love watching the snow fall.

18. Playing guitar and singing are two of my favorite pastimes.

19. I’m a major bookworm.

20. I often dream of death.

21. I secretly really like wearing skirts. (Well, it’s not so much a secret anymore)

22. I go barefoot as much as I possibly can; I love feeling the earth below my feet

23. I choke almost every time I swallow a pill.

24. I'm often mistaken for being a vegetarian. (I'm not)

25. When I was younger I almost blew up the motel I was staying at.

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CONTINUED!

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26. When I'm trying to get to sleep, I rub my feet together/ against my bed or rock back and forth.

27. I have an extreme dislike of depending on others, and prefer to remain independent.

28. I hate being confined, whether it be in the physical sense or by rules and obligations. I need to feel free, or I may as well be dead. (melodramatic much)

29. I value depth and authenticity in my relationships.

30. I abhor petty fights and when people hold grudges. I find it childish and just all around ridiculous.

31.I find it hard to stay constant with one thing for a long period of time, I think the only time I've ever followed through on a long-term project was when I was teaching myself guitar.

32. I love to make things for people, and surprise them with it. It's one of my favorite things to do.

33. I fidget a lot, it's very rare to see me sitting still.

34. I find it helps me concentrate when I wiggle my toes, shake my leg, twirl my hair etc.

35. I really love rainy days.

36. I absolutely adore flowers, I think they're beautiful.

37. I can tell who people are by their hands.

To be continued....(if I don't forget)

Hazard To Myself

"Every day I fight a war against the mirror
I can't take the person starin' back at me

I'm a hazard to myself, don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy, it's bad when you annoy yourself

So irritating

Don't want to be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else
I wanna be somebody else"

I've finally begun to understand what these lyrics mean. I used to never be able to relate to them, I loved everything about myself.
Heck, I could hangout alone and still have fun!

But now, I can sing it honestly.